Bonus: Wallow

Jade takes Sam for her next energy magic lesson...at a church.

Written by Ashley McAnelly

Featuring the voice talents of Abbey Konzen and Nichole Goodnight

Produced by Scott Thomas

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Or our bonus content on Patreon

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:09

Every morning, I wake up alone inside my head. I lay awake, blinking at the ceiling, waiting to hear her. I almost don't believe it. I'd grown accustomed to the voices, gotten used to the body the buried mother morphed with her presence. I see a few signs in my cheeks in color that I'm slowly returning to myself, at least in some ways. But part of me holds on to the nights talking with my mother, discussing her journal, as if it was really her. But it wasn't. It was only the buried bitch using my mother's memories to keep me where she wanted me. The part of me that wants to hold on to the fake mother is the same part that still wants to be angry with Sam and Roz. There's a noodle of caution to take from what they did to me. I know they did it because they thought it was the only way to save me, but it doesn't sit well with me that they can take me so easily. And I was sentimental and let Roz keep the bracelet she used against me. I'll have to work on getting stronger, especially since I invited Sam to live here. That, or trust that they won't ever pull a stunt like that again. Guess which one I'm betting on. The silence I used to enjoy instead now torments me. There is no peace in the quiet, in the still that would rival the dead. I fought hard most of my adult life to not just be on the grind with my bookstore, to still cherish every moment, be in the present, feel all the things it has to offer. But some moments in the day, the emptiness creeps in and steals any joy I had. Must have hit snooze instead of off. Why do you need such an early alarm? The sun isn't even up yet. Then again, I'm finding new ways to enjoy the days. I was brave enough, or cowardly enough, depends on how you look at it, I guess, to let her help me pack up mom's room. After so long of barely touching it and treating it like a shrine, it felt a bit sacrilegious at first to let Sam start sorting. But it was time. Still, now that she's moved in, I don't go in there, or even look when she has the door open for very long. I don't know if I'm ready to see what it's become. I swear you said that thing so early just to annoy me. Sam is making a cup of coffee while she chastises me. Once she's got it poured, she goes digging around the cupboards, probably for a quick protein or granola bar. I've noticed when she wakes up grumpy, she doesn't make a breakfast for herself. Which I find hilarious, because I'd bet money the grumpiness is not just because she's tired, but hungry as well. I reach for my mug around her busying body and read the local paper that was released earlier this week, looking for something in particular. That could be true, but I also have many other ways to annoy you throughout the day.

SPEAKER_03 3:54

So What's the plan for today? Are we finally rearranging the back rooms?

SPEAKER_00 3:59

No. We are taking the morning off and going to your next lesson on energy magic. Sam rips open her granola bar.

SPEAKER_03 4:07

My next lesson? Wait, are you taking the hours away again? Because I'll need snacks for the road if so.

SPEAKER_00 4:12

Not this time. But you will need to wear something formal. Or as formal as you have anyway. A dark dress or pantsuit, whatever you can muster.

SPEAKER_03 4:20

Oh, and what's the occasion? I know, I know. I'll see once we get there.

SPEAKER_00 4:25

You're finally getting it. Unlike the trip to the concert hall in Little Rock, I'm afraid she will say no if I tell her where we are going this time. Hell, I'm still debating it myself. I'd been planning this as our second trip before they knocked me out and saved me. It's a lesson that Sam will need to confront, especially with how she feels about her powers. It's going to potentially be rough with what we just went through. But right now, I think that's part of the point for me and for her. I just hope I don't screw it up too badly in the end. I put on a black dress and braid my hair, letting it hang over one shoulder and down against my chest. Sam takes some time to find something. She's still working on unpacking all of her things. A few boxes frame both sides of the doorway to to her bedroom. Her bedroom now. Those words get easier to swallow each day, but sometimes the thought turns my stomach inside out. Sam swings the bedroom door open, stepping out with one black flat in her hand, fighting to put it on as she enters the living room. Here, does this work? She's wearing a black pantsuit with a short blazer and bright yellow blouse. You look ready for an interview on Wall Street.

SPEAKER_03 5:40

Okay, that does not tell me if I'm dressed appropriately for wherever you're taking me. You're good. Let's go.

SPEAKER_00 5:53

I pull into the Harvest Time Church parking lot. It doesn't take long at all for Sam to be confused.

SPEAKER_03 5:59

Okay, I know most of the mountain magic both our families practice was actually Christian-based, but I didn't think you were the church going tight. Especially a place so happy looking. It's not happiness that waits for us in there.

SPEAKER_00 6:11

Come on. She follows me inside but doesn't let up. What in the world is here that is part of a lesson? How to get struck down by the wrath of God? I thought you knew my answer by now to those kinds of questions.

SPEAKER_03 6:26

Ah, right. You'll see when we get there. Well, we are here, and I have yet to see why.

SPEAKER_00 6:32

Keep your voice down as we go inside, and you'll see exactly why. Oh, you've got to be kidding me. Hush and follow. Mr. Edwards smiles at us and thanks us for coming. If he remembers me, he doesn't show it. Maybe he always just sticks to the funeral of the day, but he had helped us with Aunt Beattie once Cora finally made it home. I don't sign the guest book. The man who died isn't anyone I personally know. It was just one of the local heroes of Fort Smith, a volunteer firefighter who was well known in the community after making a few dashing saves getting people out of burning buildings. I picked his funeral since it would make sense for strangers from the community to pay their respects. I slide into the pew closest to the door, furthest away from the front of the altar. Dozens, if not hundreds, of people pack the aisles. The music plays over the speaker system as a slideshow of pictures of the deceased, Carrie Johnson, plays as mourners file in. The right side is reserved for family and is also filled in by his colleagues from the fire department. Several are dressed in their ceremonial uniform. I forget firefighters are treated like cops and soldiers with their last rites. I see the flag on the coffin now, too. Sam flips through the funeral program. Did you know him? He was my age. I noticed that too as I quickly read through the funeral program. He was twenty, with a wife and two daughters. Not out of the norm for Arkansas, but just the tragedy of him, being a father so young, but still being an amazing person in spite of that early obstacle, only to die at twenty. But I don't say any of that to Sam. That'll be too close to home for her right now. No, I just knew of him. Then why are we stop talking? Stop reading the pamphlet and read the room. I can read the room without my power, Jade. Everyone is sad. Are you going to argue with me the whole lesson? Fine, fine. She takes a breath and does what I ask. I follow suit to know exactly what energy we have to work with today. I feel Sam's energy crawling across the crowd, but dig past it and focus. Why are you reading the room too? For that. To make sure you can feel and identify my energy, and to make sure you're seeing what you say you're seeing. So I passed the first test? Yes. Now focus. As we were talking, I was getting the lay of the room. I know Sam's expecting to see a lot of dark energy in this room, and I'm glad that she's going to be surprised. Uh Jade? Yeah. Should I be worried that I see red? Nope. I see what she's talking about. There is a layer of blues and blacks of energy, like soft clouds throughout the room. But there's also red and orange. I'm gonna need more context here. You should know that people can feel a wide range of emotions all at once. So while there is grief present, there can also be the passion present for the loved one who is past, or the feeling of honor and respect by those who served with him. Though I do see one energy in the front row that is completely happy. What about I see it. When we walk by to pay our respects, that's when we can get a better look. This doesn't feel right, Jade. I I feel like a voyeur. Okay, we don't have to look further into the happy one. But I brought you here for a reason. Again, the grief, the passion, the respect, the honor, love. You have a bigger mixed pot of emotions here than at the concert, but we're all here for the same reason. We are lending our energy to a larger purpose. To give the last rights to this man as he passes over. I don't want to drink this down, Jade. We aren't leaving until you take a sip. It does not have to be as deep a drink as you did at the concert, but you need to know what this feels like. I know what the feelings of a funeral feel like. I've been to plenty. A few heads turn in front of us, hearing us talk a little too loudly. I glare at them until they turn around. Then I scoot closer to Sam. Listen, I would not ask this of you if it wasn't important. And all my explaining won't make it make sense until you take a sip. I'll do it with you. She stares at me for a minute, weighing whether or not she believes me. That hurts a bit, but I can't do anything about that right now. She finally nods and does as I ask. And true to my word, I take a sip as well. It's only fair that I step into the fire with her. There are two important things to know about energy magic when it comes to negative energy. It will pull you into itself. And it tastes so good, you won't know you're drowning until it's too late. Sam has one chance when first dipping into it. She knows it's grief. She knows how it should really feel. But from this end, swallowing it down from another, it feels so good. Hate, anger, disgust, those types of negative energies can be bitter. But grief, loss, those are as sweet as honey, go down as quickly, and stick to you just as much. The fact that it feels good could scare her enough to pull her back, to make her wary, just as she's been wary this whole time of it. But the temptation, that's why there are so many energy vampires who will latch on to someone suffering from a loss to siphon off of. Make them continue to live in their grief just so they can get the high of it. Even if Sam started off with just a sip, I hear her gasp and know she's being sucked into their collective mourning, that she gave in to the temptation. I don't immediately judge her for that. I've never judged anyone who couldn't resist. But as high and mighty as she's been about energy magic, I thought she would pull back. Now she's got to ride it out. I've learned to ride this particular dragon, and even then, if I let my guard down, it could wash me away. First in the grief of those around me, then in my own. Grief is a root that is present in all of us, and when we pull on someone else's end, it brings ours to light. I know from the funeral program and slideshow that his name was Carrie Johnson, but I know from the sip of the energy in the room, everyone called him Care Bear. I know more people in here laughed with him than ever cried with him, that he left three gaping holes of broken hearts in his wife and twins. I know because I see them in the front as blue and red with speckles of black in their energy right now. His wife is the deepest shade of blue, while the twin toddlers, who have the lightest blonde hair I've ever seen, stand on the pew in each of their mother's arms, red and orange and some spots of black dancing over their skin. They're too young to fully comprehend, but I'm sure they understand that Daddy is gone and is never coming back. But their heart is full of their mother's love, and they cling as tightly to her as she does to them right now. But that shining, happy energy that gave me pause before is sitting right next to them. The music fades away. Mr. Edwards hits pause on the slideshow as the pastor approaches the podium to start the funeral. Sam is hyperventilating beside me. Crap. She's still under, swept away in the grief. I hope she would be able to snap out by now. I throw my energy at her to bring her up out of the grief. She surfaces, gasping for air until she finally bursts into tears, sobbing loud enough to turn heads. I grab her and console her, mouthing to the heads that turned again that she'll be okay. But when she can't calm down, I pull her to her feet and we leave as we came. I managed to get her through the doors before she screams at me. How can you do that to me? I pulled you out as soon as I could.

SPEAKER_01 14:57

No! Why would you make me do that? Why would you make me relive the worst day of my life?

SPEAKER_00 15:03

Because I thought if anyone had a snowball's chance in hell to resist the temptation, it would be you. Crap. A different wave of grief flashes over her face. Disappointment. Either because she thinks she disappointed me or disappointed herself. Or maybe both. Hey, I've never actually seen. Okay, I've seen literally one person truly resist the temptation, but it sure as hell wasn't me. I knew you had a chance. I wouldn't set you up if I knew for sure you would fail. But it's okay. It's very easy to fall into, and that's why you needed to feel it.

SPEAKER_01 15:40

At first it was just their grief. It was just care. Oh god, I mean Carrie and then it turned to my mom.

SPEAKER_02 15:51

I know. Why would you do that to me if you knew where it would lead?

SPEAKER_00 15:56

Because you needed to be prepared for Maureen's funeral. That stops her. What you haven't been to a funeral since your energy powers manifested, right? I know it's easier for you to control than it was for me, but when your emotions are already high strung, it can release them. I didn't want you being blindsided when we go to Maureen's funeral. Now you know how dangerous this kind of energy could be. You can master it and you can still even harness it. You can take other people's grief away and turn it into something better. Sam wipes her face off with her fancy jacket.

SPEAKER_02 16:34

Well, thank you. I hadn't thought about that. Again, even with negative emotions, I don't think I could take it from someone unless they wanted me to.

SPEAKER_00 16:44

I grab her around the shoulders and lead her back to the car. Actually, if you really want to help them, you won't take it all. One, because you see now what happens when you take more than a sip at a time. But also because people need their grief. Imagine if I just took the grief of your mother or Maureen away. What would that do for you? I walk around to the driver's side of the car while she thinks and gets in on the passenger side.

SPEAKER_02 17:11

I wouldn't hold on to the memory of her as strongly.

SPEAKER_00 17:14

Wouldn't miss her and think about her as much. And our loved ones live on through us, through our memories of them. Okay, that makes sense. I still wish you would have warned me, though. Everyone has to go through it at least once. But you didn't go through it alone. Now you know what to expect, and we can better prepare you on how to deal with it when you face it. Because I can tell you right now, if you're hanging with Eric Moore and doing ghost detective shit, grief is one of the big energy types you will encounter. Sam gets in the car, but I can't bring myself to do it yet. I open the door long enough to throw the keys at Sam so she can start the car. I'm gonna run back in for more tissues before you ruin that jacket. I don't wait for Sam to respond. I shut the door and walk briskly back in. Now that Sam is okay, I need to know who the hell is living happily beside the grieving wife. I open the front door to the church as quietly as possible. The pastor is mid-sentence, telling a story about Carrie that gets a few chuckles. It's always a great pastor that collects stories from family ahead of time to share. Stories that invoke the good memories to sprinkle over the grief. My seat is still open, so I return and sit down. I throw my energy out, this time focused on just the happy woman. As soon as I do, I feel it. A returning energy pushing back at mine. I see the woman turn her head, not fully to face me, but enough for me to know this isn't an accident or coincidence. Shit. I pull my power back, taking the hint for now. The funeral program I left sitting in the pew before, I make a point to grab and read the surviving family names as I walk out. I grab some tissues from the table by the door and make my way back to the car. I can see Sam through the windshield, and I know she's not fooled for a minute. I barely have the door open before she asks. You just had to go back, didn't you? Hey, you would have asked about her later once you fully calmed down. I just made sure to have an answer for both of us. So what's her deal?

SPEAKER_03 19:23

Is she a sociopath that killed the husband, or is at least happy he's dead for some reason? Oh, maybe she's the wife's lover.

SPEAKER_00 19:30

You may be right in one of your theories. Wait, I thought you said you knew. I know enough not to fuck with her. She's one of us. What? A witch? Try again. Oh, an energy vampire? Bingo. So she's the prime example of what happens to those of us who fall into the temptation and use grief as a drug. But how can she do that if the grief pulls it your own grief? Like I said, you can learn to master and harness it, just some do it for their own gain instead of to help others.

SPEAKER_03 20:00

Do you think she knows we were there? I didn't feel any other magical energy.

SPEAKER_00 20:05

I think when we read the whole room, she wasn't worried. Others like her might have been there to partake in a drink, too. But I was stupid and targeted only her. But I backed off as soon as I realized. So hopefully she doesn't retaliate. I guess we will see. Sam tilts her seat back and settles in for the short drive.

SPEAKER_03 20:25

Either way, thanks for the lesson.

SPEAKER_00 20:28

Of course. Now, what are we doing for lunch? I hope I can really help Sam understand and be better for it. These lessons are what I always wanted as a teen, but my mother and help nobody could or would provide. I hope she knows how valuable this knowledge is, and that she will accept herself in the end. Only time will tell you.