Bonus: Weep

Jade helps Roz and Sam say goodbye to Maureen, and encounters the energy vampire from the last funeral.

Written by Ashley McAnelly

Featuring the voice talents of Abbey Konzen, Nichole Goodnight, Vyn Vox, and Jessica McEvoy

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:15

Hey, Jade.

SPEAKER_01 0:17

It's pretty late. Everything okay? No. No, everything's not okay. For the last few weeks, you have been there. First you were there literally at my bedside. Then at the store helping Sam keep an eye on things. Jade, what do you And then even when you're not there, you are still asking about me, making sure I'm okay. And through all that, not once, not once have I thought to actually say sorry.

SPEAKER_02 0:46

Jade.

SPEAKER_01 0:47

No, let me finish. I know when I first woke up, I made a stupid comment joking about how we both lost our moms to the buried bitch, but I haven't had the nerve to say anything else yet. Because I didn't deserve it, Roz. I didn't deserve your help. Not after all the shit I've put you through. Nah, I was pissed that you and Sam tricked me, and even more pissed that you used a gift from me to do it. But I was an idiot. I left myself wide open to the buried bitch, and smiled and was happy to let her fool me. I know that now. I didn't let you be there for me when I lost my mom, either time. But will you forgive me? And let me be here for you? Jade, I'm fine. Liar. You don't have to feed that bullshit to me. You can feed it to the rest of your family and her friends from church. Have you even cried once yet? Roz's eyes glisten under the porch light, as what is most likely the first tears of grief she's allowed herself to have gather, ready to spill over. It's enough of an answer. You don't have to be fine with me, Roz. You have already been strong enough for me. Stronger than you ever should have had to be. Let me be your kindling again, Roz.

SPEAKER_02 2:04

Oh god. You would bring that up.

SPEAKER_01 2:08

Don't act like we weren't back on our way down that path before all this happened. I know that kiss meant more than either of us wanted to admit at the time. I'm not stupid enough to think that we can pick up right back where we left off, but let us start here. Release your grief, Raz. Let yourself fall apart. Let yourself burn. And I'll be here to hold you and clean up the ashes.

SPEAKER_02 2:32

Jade, you bitch.

SPEAKER_01 2:42

I ease us gently to the floor, our bodies tucked in the threshold of the doorway. The only thing louder than Raz's cry is the song of the cicadas. They cry with her. First wave of grief down, one more big one to go. At least with Aunt Beattie, we were able to lay her body to rest. With Maureen's body already swallowed by the earth beneath the tar tree, there will be no coffin. I helped sculpt the story that we would be able to tell the public. That she went missing in the very woods she watched over for so long. A search party made several passes, but of course no one found her. No one could even get as far as the tar tree, not without Coven help. I also helped Roz select which pictures would be in the slideshow. Sam was there for that too. It was a nice little trip down memory lane, but now it was time to pay our last respects. Uncle Dale stands at the church entrance, greeting visitors as they come in. I know it seems ridiculous, but Maureen attended Sunday service regularly. She started back a couple of years ago, after I called her out with the truth stick in front of the coven, that she wanted to stop following Hecate and revert the coven back to its Christian roots. But somehow in the last few years, she found a way to follow both paths. I don't know how, since Christ demanded he be the only God, since he was a jealous god, she still prayed to Hecate with the coven. Or maybe inside she was really praying to him. I wish I would have thought to ask her. Now I'll never know. I sit at the back and watch visitors pile in. The coven, friends from the church and around town. A few are old schoolmates, so they say hi and try to do some small talk with me. I surprise myself by being nice and actually engaging. I can behave myself at Maureen's funeral. I swear I can. After all the visitors are in their seats, what's left of the Beckett family piles into the first two pews of the church. Maureen had several brothers and sisters, most of whom have already passed, but their children, Roz's cousins, came. Sam and Roz walk in last. I'm glad they have each other through this, but also glad the surviving Beckets actually showed to pay their respects. It would have killed Roz if hardly anyone showed. The church is so packed, several of us are stuck standing in the back. Uncle Dale gets up and starts the service. He shares his own stories of Maureen, has everyone laughing a bit at some of the memories of them fighting over things that don't matter. Any preacher worth their holy salt can have a funeral crowd laughing, holding on to those good memories as we say goodbye. Then they play Vince Gill's Go Rest High on that mountain, and I lose it. They played that song at my grandpa's funeral, and it will never not make me cry. That's when I feel it. Something rubs against my shields as if someone had just brushed my shoulder. Someone is working magic in the room. I instinctively turn my head. It's none of the Coven members. I'm about to release my energy to find the culprit when I see her. It's the blonde from the last funeral, the one who had been feeding off the energy at the firefighter's funeral. She's looking right at me and smiling. Son of a bitch. How did I not see her before? I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. She may be one of the energy vampires that attends funerals weekly, wherever they are, just to get the high of feeding off the grief. I try not to judge the ones who do this. Grief is just such a tempting emotion to feed from. Poor Sam learned that the hard way. God, I hope Sam doesn't notice her. A few family members get up and say a few words, tell a few more stories. I feel her continue to feed from the crowd, but then I feel her prod again, specifically at me. I glare daggers at her until she raises her hand and waves it gently in front of her, as if to say, Are you not going to drink? Shit. She thinks I'm like her. Well, at least she's considerate. I shake my head and mouth, all yours. She takes me at my word, and I feel a greater tug at the energy of the room as she drinks deeper. No judging, no judging, no judging. She restrains herself after a moment, but only after several of the Cup and members start to move around in their seats. I'm not the only one who sensed it. Sam doesn't seem to notice, though. She's probably too grief-blind. We finally get to the end of the funeral, when the family usually stands beside the body and everyone files through, saying their last goodbyes and giving hugs and words of comfort to the family as they walk by. Since there's no body, Roz stands at the exit of the sanctuary for everyone to give their condolences, and says she's hosting a dinner for the family back at Maureen's house for anyone who wants to swing by. Sam hugs me as she walks out.

SPEAKER_03 8:33

I'm going ahead to grandma's to finish prepping for dinner while Roz speaks to everyone. Are you coming? I'll be there in a minute.

SPEAKER_01 8:39

I want to talk to someone.

SPEAKER_03 8:40

You wanna talk to someone? Who are you and what did you do with Jade?

SPEAKER_01 8:45

Very funny. Go on, I'll be there soon to help. Sam steps into the flow of the crowd, lining up to leave. I get in line behind Blondie. She doesn't miss a beat.

SPEAKER_00 8:56

Oh, lovely service, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_01 8:59

My uncle could have stopped talking a bit sooner, but yes, it was.

SPEAKER_00 9:02

Oh, I wondered why you didn't partake. I'm sorry I didn't know you knew these people.

SPEAKER_01 9:08

Fair assessment after seeing me at the firefighters' funeral. But I appreciate you willing to share. I know plenty who would fight over the energy.

SPEAKER_00 9:16

Fight over it? I could never. There's enough funerals for everyone to get their fill.

SPEAKER_01 9:22

How long does a deep drink keep you?

SPEAKER_00 9:24

Uh, just about long enough to get to the next funeral.

SPEAKER_01 9:28

I decide to poke the bear. I can't help it. I haven't seen another one of us in over a decade, so I was surprised to see your energy. All that happiness in the middle of all that grief. She stops walking for a moment.

SPEAKER_00 9:41

As if you haven't ever let yourself go in all the grief.

SPEAKER_01 9:44

I didn't mean any offense. Again, just didn't know what you were. Curiosity kills the cat and all that. She settles down at that.

SPEAKER_00 9:52

There's actually a group of us that meet in Conway. You should come sometime.

SPEAKER_01 9:58

Hard pass. Thanks though.

SPEAKER_00 10:00

Why? Aren't you tired of being the only one around here?

SPEAKER_01 10:04

I don't tell her I'm not the only one anymore. I'm not about to make any hint at Sam. This woman may play friendly, but that doesn't mean she actually is. I kept to myself for most of my adult life, and life was quiet. It was when I decided to start caring about people again that shit got too exciting and stressful. I don't need more people to care about. Fair.

SPEAKER_00 10:29

Is that how Maureen ended up where she is?

SPEAKER_01 10:33

A spurt of anger and suspicion immediately takes me over, but I swallow it down. There's no way she has any clue what's happened, but that question is too close to home. I guess you could say that.

SPEAKER_00 10:46

That's the one thing I'm learning the hard way. That no matter our intentions or how closed off we keep ourselves and our power, somehow shit happens anyways. Shit that wouldn't have happened to the ones around us if we hadn't been there. But you know what? I don't regret it. We deserve love and connections just like everyone else in the world. And if they love us back, then they don't regret a single thing either.

SPEAKER_01 11:15

That was some heavy knowledge right there. If I was a main character in a story, then you would be my elder figure I meet to instill your wisdom in.

SPEAKER_00 11:23

Elder? I'm pretty sure you're older than me.

SPEAKER_01 11:26

I'm pretty sure I'm older than you two. We finally get to the door where Roz is. I lean closer to the energy vampire. Don't try to feed off of her. She will instantly know and be so pissed at you.

SPEAKER_00 11:39

Alright. Thanks for the heads up.

SPEAKER_01 11:41

The woman offers her hand in condolences to Roz. Roz thanks her and moves on, not wondering who she is. When it's my turn, I hug Roz and kiss her on the cheek. I'll go ahead with Sam to prep for dinner.

SPEAKER_02 11:54

Thank you. I'll see you there.

SPEAKER_01 11:59

I follow the energy vampire out of the church and feel silly for still thinking of her as only that. I'm Jade, by the way.

SPEAKER_00 12:07

Sailor. I'm glad I got to see you again.

SPEAKER_01 12:10

Sailor offers me the funeral program she was holding, but she's written something on it.

SPEAKER_00 12:15

If you ever get too lonely and want to hang with people who understand, here's my number.

SPEAKER_01 12:21

I take it. It would be rude not to. Be careful out there. Not all of us are as nice as me.

SPEAKER_00 12:28

Don't I know it? See you around.

SPEAKER_01 12:32

I pocket the funeral program without another thought and head to my car. I've got a lot of food and people mingling ahead of me at Maureen's house, but I'm hoping as long as I stay close to Roz or Sam, the voices are directed mostly at them. It's the least I can do for Roz.

SPEAKER_02 12:50

Oh, thank you so much for coming. Here, let me take that for you.

SPEAKER_01 12:54

I let myself sink into Roz's side and let her lead all the conversations. All of them were here for her anyway. I only get a polite hello or how are you thrown my way. Fine by me. Instead, I take the time to look around the house. All the old memories flood in from my time here. Roz and I hiding out in her room, coming up with our own spells. Ra starting a fire in the palm of her hand and making it hover in the air between us, like our own little coven campfire in the safety of her bedroom. Until we were old enough to sneak out and make our own fires in the woods. Some more recent memories flood in too. I stare at the closed and locked door to the black room, remembering the drunken night with Roz researching. I wonder if Roz will move back here now, or make it more of a shrine like I did for my mom. I wonder if we will be the same and how we hold on to our pain, or if she will carry it way better than I ever did. Jade? I turned to Roz's voice and notice that everyone is gone. Shit, was I really that out of it? Yeah? Are you okay? Shouldn't I be asking you that question? I'm fine. Just kind of went to a quiet place in my head to escape the noise.

SPEAKER_02 14:09

At least you could escape.

SPEAKER_01 14:11

I grab her hand and squeeze it. I didn't mean to leave you alone with them. Roz squeezes back but then pulls away, waving her hand.

SPEAKER_02 14:20

But some of them were actually good to catch up with.

SPEAKER_03 14:23

Only a few were annoying. Speak for yourself, most of the cousins are annoying.

SPEAKER_01 14:29

Roz laughs at Sam's comment. It's good to hear her laugh.

SPEAKER_02 14:33

Why don't you take a break? You did all the serving. I can handle the cleanup.

SPEAKER_03 14:38

You know, some of the neophytes want to meet at the circle and give their own special goodbyes. You are totally welcome if you want to come. Eh, go on. I'm good.

SPEAKER_01 14:46

Sam gives Roz a hug and shoots me a look. Don't do anything I want to do. Get out of here, pest. That just leaves me and Roz again. Sometimes it feels as natural as when we were kids being alone together. Sometimes it's awkward as hell. But right now, none of that matters. I go to the sink and start on the dishes. Roz joins me. I appreciate all the time you spent at the store helping out while I was recovering. It got me thinking.

SPEAKER_02 15:18

Oh?

SPEAKER_01 15:18

Yeah. Um, why don't you stop selling your glass creations out of that ashen shopfront instead at my store? I can make room for you to have a booth of your own. Plus, Fort Smith has way more people.

SPEAKER_02 15:32

That doesn't sound like a bad idea. But that means you have to see me more often.

SPEAKER_01 15:39

That just makes it a bonus. I'm serious, Roz. I know we've had a real messy past, but if you're ready to really give whatever this is a try.

SPEAKER_02 15:52

Whatever this is, huh?

SPEAKER_01 15:54

Fine, give us a try, then. Then you have to ask me out.

SPEAKER_02 16:00

What?

SPEAKER_01 16:01

You heard me. I asked you out first way back in the day, and you shot me down. So it's your turn to ask me.

SPEAKER_02 16:07

Oh, come on.

SPEAKER_01 16:09

You're gonna hold my sixteen-year-old angst against me? Fair is fair. It doesn't have to be now, of course. Too much is going on right now. So when you feel ready, shoot your shot. And we will see what I feel like answering that day. Typical. I stop washing dishes and grab her face with my soapy wet hands and kiss her. I feel her grief wash away with a heat that we've both felt since we were teenagers. I let her go once, shattered our friendship, and left its pieces in the past, refusing to grab them in the present. Not anymore. Now, though I have no clue what it will look like when we put it all back together, I will never let them go. Never let her go again. This episode of It's All in the Cards Podcast was written by Ashley McNally, featuring the voice talents of Abby Collins, Nicole Goodnight, Lynn Vaughn, and Jessica McAvoy.